Pisanije

Worm-infested cherries part 4. By Biljana Malesevic I tried to pretend nothing has changed. All I can see now was always there, I was just not paying attention to it, like with those worms in cherries. So, one evening I prepared a beautiful velvet, short dress, in rich red wine color, and toyed with the idea to pair it with suede boots in the same color. Hold these clothes for some time in hands as if I intended to wear it, then put them back in the closet. Icy wind was beating against the blinds and I was absolutely and totally sober. Several times I reached for a bottle of whiskey, but every time I'd spilled it back into the bottle. Cherries syndrome. As a punishment, I was sober. Finally, I decided for tight but warm, black trousers, knee high white boots and body hugging, soft, shaggy white sweater. That was actually my ski outfit from previous winter. Refusing to look in a mirror, I frenetically put some lipstick thinking all the time what it could contain. With trembl...

Worm-infested cherries part 3. By Biljana Malesevic I woke up to the light of day, which came through the tall windows of the foyer, and waited for someone to open a disco and let me escape, which happened later that afternoon. I managed to escape unnoticed, stumbling through the snow, cold and starving, walking in my little black dress a few miles to my apartment, while passersby looked at me and talked about today's awful youth. Of course I loved my life as it was and did not want anything to change. I chose and organised my life as I was privileged enough to be able to do that. The problem was that since that night in the disco I could not unsee some things that I haven’t noticed before. Like in those riddle pictures where you need to find the hidden dolphin, but once you find it, you can no longer unsee it. I slept the whole day, then whole week, trying not to think too much, not to look out the window and not to analyse things I knew. I was convincing myself that I ...

Should I write more or should I stop?

Worm-infested cherries part 2. By Biljana Malesevic A long time ago, I was young woman who smoked a pack of expensive cigarettes a day, drank whiskey and best foreign beer. I wore silk thongs and short skirts, and I could put on make up so skillfully, that I looked like movie star. I used to sneak out of some stranger’s apartment early in the morning, wanting only a hot shower to rinse a strange smell from my body and to forget that night. And soon, I would did it all again, with some other person. Each night, other body smell, other skin, hair, some other body movements, different habits. There is something strangely comforting in habits, as you always know what to expect and surprises are rarely encountered. Just because of that, I never let myself relax and indulge in routine and predictable schedule. Once the chain of habits is broken, for whatever reason, and that always happens, it’s terribly painful. I've learned that at young age and therefore I’ve never allowed mys...

Worm-infested cherries part 1. By Biljana Malesevic Once when I was a child, I got a bag of ripe, sweet cherries. I immediately started to eat them, without so much of bothering to wash them. I devoured each one and leisurely spat pits as I ate. I ate almost half a kilo until I opened one by hands, just out of boredom, because I was already somewhat satisfied. Then I discovered that each single sweet fruit had a small whitish worm inside. Although I have previously eaten dozens of cherries, I suddenly lost a desire to eat even one more. I live in Slatina, distant and lone village, for more than twelve years, but I am still not fully accustomed to the rural way of life. Switching from the city child used to late nights out, supermarkets and shopping malls, constant screaming of city noise and office work, to a peaceful life in a modest farmhouse can take years, probably decades. I haven’t still managed to curb urban child in me. Still, sometimes I get the urge to spruce up f...