четвртак, 5. мај 2022.

Depression, misconceptions and my experience

 Recently, depression is a reoccurring theme in a lot of movies and especially series on tv. It's a good thing that people are aware that depression exists, and that it is very dangerous disease that can envelope person's entire life. Problem is how depression is sometimes depicted. Now, I am not a poster child of depression neither I have to be some "token" example of how depression looks and feels, but sometimes, I feel like writers are just too lazy.

In "Million little things" Rome suffers from depression, but it's depicted like he is going around all moody and frowny and literally says things like "I feel so crappy". He even considers suicide by holding bottle of pills and later tossing them away. This seems like a lazy presentation of depression. While this is not Romany Malco's fault, I am sure he did the best he could, it could be lazy writing. If depression was that obvious, with people going around looking sad or angry and saying "I feel so crappy", it would be much easier to detect depression and treat it. But, it's not. Depressed people often do not look depressed at all. They don't say things like "I am so sad!", "I feel like crap", I mean they can but so can people who do not have depression. They don't always look sad, cloudy or angry, they don't necessarily snap at others, and don't hide under blankets or sit with their head between hands. Sure, it looks good on the screen, but it's not that simple.

I have seen other depictions of depression, more or less acceptable, like Gretchen in "You're the worst", which was excellent series, and Aya Cash did her best, but that portrayal of depression was still not well written. It was far too loud and obvious. She was sleeping all day, which is really how depression looks like, stopped caring, alienating people and friends around her and slipping into dangerous loneliness and isolation. That sounds more like depression, especially self-isolation and losing friends on purpose. But, maybe still a bit too obvious and too easily solved which in reality is never the case.

Depressed people can look happy, they are smiling, they can look kind and calm, they can even look rude and conceited to others, sure they can stop caring and sleep too much, but they can also step into working mode and work obsessively and even use various stimulants, they can eat too much or too little, sleep too much or too little, look happy, careless or angry and rude. You cant always see it.

When I was depressed, I tend to alienate people around me, feeling the need to be isolated from everyone. Alone. This did not seem to others as depression, rather more often I come of as rude, conceited and cold person. I was isolating to protect myself from pain or danger or too demanding relationships, too much emotions, or whatever I saw in other people, but it didn't look like that. It looked like I thought I was "too good for others" or had high opinion of myself. I just couldn't deal with those people, I could barely deal with myself alone. I was rude and angry sometimes, and gave of a vibe of pretty horrible person, or I was just too mellow and looked like I could be easily manipulated (which was not true at all), or I just looked happy and content (which I wasn't). I could easily look professional and calm at work or when talking to others. You could NOT tell. You could not see. It's not obvious.



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