I am very tired

First thing to state, which is a fact, a fact most people forget until it's too late. Here we go:

Life is short.

Second fact:

You live ONCE, only once, you are young once, you are 25 (for example), or 35 or 55 once, and then you are older. Even if you believe in reincarnation, even if you are religious, the fact is, your life in this body you have now, will be just once. You have no idea if you will be born second time and in which circumstances and if there is heaven or hell and where will you end up. Or if there is only emptiness after life. Whatever it is, this body, this life you now have, will be no more.

Just remember this next time you get mad about something someone said about you, or when you are upset about something at work, or when you accidentally "embarrass" yourself like for example fart in public, or whenever you are sad or upset about the current state of the world or something you can not change. Or when you are sad and worried and miserable over something that might happen in future but also it might not. Or when you want other people to treat you certain way or think of you in way you want them to, or behave the way you think they should (spoiler alert: you can not and should not affect what other people do, think or behave).

You will waste your life. You are wasting it now. That is the fact. I do that. I worry about climate changes, I worry about destroying of nature, animal species, children sold into slavery, endless meaningless wars, factories polluting the Earth, people I care about who are just self-destructive and I can't do shit about it, you name it.

Only a month ago, I turned 49. That's almost half a century. I could live for 20 more years, or 3 years, or 6 months. No one knows. The older you are changes you will die each day are greater. Am I tired because of my age?

No, I am tired of being negative, living in future or in past, of fears, my own or other people's fears forced on to me, of being scared, of being worried, of manipulations of media and people around me, I am tired of news and articles about everything that is wrong with this world, for which I also can't do shit to fix it, of people talking about crap in their lives, about are you for or against some current crap, about who is to blame for anything, I am tired of perpetual victims, of sadness, of darkness, of anger and hate, of everything that just makes me upset and miserable because I can still feel.

Maybe it's not too late at 49 to realize, I just want to live my life, what is left of it, the way I want to. I deserve it. I want to read, draw, paint, watch movies, eat, cook, sleep until 10am on weekends, do my job the best I can and spend my money the way I want to. Is that selfish? Well, then I am selfish. I am too poor to help other people in need, I am too insignificant to change the world or affect anything that is wrong with it, I know now I can't change other people and I shouldn't, they have to WANT to change and ask for help (that almost never happens), I can help in small places in small doses, and I can't change the world.

I should learn to live in peace with those facts. No one has to help me, no one has to be whatever I want them to be, no one has to change their opinion on me or anything else. I should filtrate and take what I want from the world, I can't solve every problem and every issue, and I shouldn't suffer because I can't. I shouldn't be afraid or intimidated of what can happen in future because it still didn't happen, and it might never happen. I can't cry that much about past, because I can't get it back. That is just the way it is. We are getting old. The longer you are miserable, the more is YOUR OWN loss, no one's else's, except maybe for people that care about you. Why would you want them to suffer? Life is short, life is once, that is the fact.