Pisanije

Unfortunately, even for me, totally normal woman, Youtube sometimes "recommends" videos from people who call themselves "Alpha males" or red pill movement men. I do not want to watch them but I've seen videos who criticize them so I do know what's it all about. It is really weird to me that in this world full of hate, wars, and invented "reasons" to hate anyone or anything, in this short life we all have, someone found the "need" (sorry for too many quotes, I have to show that I do not agree with these) to downgrade our hard-built civilization which was upgraded for centuries with all the hardship, for God-knows which reasons. Now, why do I think this whole idea is wrong? I don't know much about this red-pill movement except for bits I've seen and I have no desire to see more, for my own mental health protection, but from what I've seen, which was enough, I can tell you as a woman few reasons from many of why they are wrong. F...

As someone well over age 50 I learned that it's much easier to attract attention with hate than with love, it's much easier for people to hate or to feel rage than to even try to understand. A lot of people see everything as they are told to see, by media, or internet, or whatever, evil versus good. Nothing in between! Just bad-good, no grey areas. And everything is a shade of grey (nothing to do the famous franchise), there are very little things, events, attitudes, opinions, people, points of view etc that are quite close to 100% evil or 100% good, but none of it is completely there. Sad thing is, although feeling love, gratefulness, being kind and understanding DOES indeed makes us feel better, it is easier to feel rage, hate, anger, mistrust, and refusing to understand, even though all that, on the long run, makes us feel miserable. It's too easy to watch the news and believe one whole nation is just bad, bad people, who should be wiped out, just because, well, people o...

We have all seen these cases. Athletes who were winning all the time, who were on top consistenlty, that lost one time and were suddenly bombed with hate and ridiculed for "being losers". We've seen or known people who were always helping everyone, who were always there for everyone who asks, always giving, always doing things for others. After saying "no" or "I really can't right now" one time, they were reduced to nothing, ditched, banished, hated by everyone. You can't say "no" when you always said "yes", right? That's the curse of being nice or helping or being a "yes" person. You can help hundreds of times, you can give your money away, you could get people out of trouble, but once you decline, for whatever reason, you are the devil. On the other and opposite side are people who do mostly damage, mean, greedy, selfish, even evil. There is something alluring in mean people to the society in general. Look wh...

Bye bye little baby, I cared, I am sorry I didn't help you in time.  

 Over next weeks I am going to give my best to erase most traces of me from the internet, especially social media. I may leave some account deactivated while I decide what to do with them, as I worked a lot on them, and I can't remove my novel from Amazon, and other sites that have my name on it, but as much as I can remove, I will remove. I want googling my name to return as less as possible. I am going away. I want to erase as much traces of me as I can. Maybe I will remove my novel and other novels I put online too, I am still not sure about this but I am thinking of it. No one reads them anyway. Going off the grid is not finished with social media and internet, I am going off in real life too, as much as possible. I am done with most of humanity. I had my fair share of crap received from people, insults, being hurt, being misunderstood, people who hate me but have no fucking idea who I am, rude people, people who want to use me and pretend it's good deed, people who attack ...

 I am not sure if my opinion on my one and only Amazon novel is just too high or the overcrowded marked suffocates it to the point of no existence, probably both, but since my poor blog has people visiting it, I want to try a little self-marketing again. My novel: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PLQHQKB is still online, and probably drowned in the sea of billions of other books on Amazon. I know that, since English is not my native language, and I wrote this one in Englilsh, it's not the best written novel ever (to put it lightly) but I hope that story and characters are captivating since I invested a lot in developing complex story with many layers and characters which I really hope are believable as people, and that people can relate to them. The idea of the story is, if you coud choose between safe annd comfortable, but boring, predictable and kind of suffocating and fully controled life, and unsafe, dangerous, completely ridiculous and unpredictable but kind of free and exciting l...

 So, I have been to Italy this Summer, like I've been in 2023. I've found a little non-expensive hotel on the beach, kind of fair walk far from the center of the town but still the best I could find. I like Sicily. It's lovely, a bit scorched, hot and crowded in August but still nice. Lots of art in Taormina, not just paintings, sculptures, architecture, but also food... that food! How are Italians such slim people I can not understand. All they eat is pasta, cakes, cookies, pastries... And this time, I got giant deluxe room on the top of the hotel mansion, because there were no ordinary rooms left! You gotta love such exchange! Top floor, look at the Sicily from above and giant tv, all channels in Italian, but well... I didn't complain. Lots of pasta, lots of cakes, some gelato, some sunburns while hiking under sun and once got lost looking for Communal garden, in the sun, on high heels. Even the airport wasn't bad experience, crowded but not too crowded, nice coff...

So, I started using ChatGPT. At first, some google AI named Gemini literally self-installed on my Android, and I tested it but it didn't really make me interested so I removed it. It looked too much like a plain Google search. It was like, you ask a question, Gemini does a google search instead of you and that's about it. Sometimes, though, answers were useful but nothing that a good search engine can't do. After some time, led by curiosity, I installed ChatGPT to check it out. Now, let me state that I am pretty anxious person, so my questions for AI tend to look like a string of hypochondriac's bursts out. A lot of my questions are health related, but there are also the other ones, more practical, like general information seeking, even advice on social connections and communications. I was pretty surprised by the results. The damn thing really tries to give you proper answers. I am not saying the answers are 100% right because I don't know that (that's why I am...

 I've noticed that a lot of people that I follow on social media, mostly Youtube, either complain or just plain tell that they have problem with bullying and people who insult them or even threaten them online, or I can just see such comments piling up under their videos. I have respect for people who can deal with that level of bullying and constant insults and threats and who have to meet with that every single day. And I am not talking about people who talk about controverisal stuff, people who share opinion on topics that seriously divide humanity, or even stuff that is in any way political, economical, social, it could be a freaking cooking channel! There will always be some minority that will come to that channel with sole purpose to hurt someone, mostly a channel owner. There is no beauty influencer that didn't at least hundreds of times got comments that they are ugly, or horrible or look old, no matter how gorgeous and really wholesome that person is. It doesn't ma...

Social media can be the devil. I admit I enjoy Youtube a lot, there are lots of very enjoyable channels, with quality information, or fun and comedy, or just plain enjoyable. Then, there are the other ones. I really can't tell why I keep getting those on my recommended list because I don't like them, I don't search for them, and I usually mark them as "not interested". Anti-women videos. I took a peak at few of them and it made me sad and angry at the same time. Why people always invent reasons to hate groups of people based on various things? There are hate videos on certain nationalities, races, religions, sexual orientations, whatever you can imagine evil human mind can think of. And of course, there are videos directed at women. Lets be real, I do not condone any type of hate based on gender, nationality, race, traditions, sexual orientation, or whatever type of criteria evil human mind can invent. I don't care for men-hating videos too. I do not think peo...

These people are kind of quite similar looking to me but we are probably not related in any way, at least not that I know of: Yugoslavian actor Slavko Stimac - there must be some common relatives between us. Same country, different surnames but we really look alike (he is older than me though) Actresses Sela Ward and Sandra Bullock: it's not obvious at first glance, and I know both are beauties but there are similarities:

We live in supposedly the easiest times. People used to live much shorter, harder lives, they used to work 10, 12 or even more hours of hard work every day. They would have like 10 children and only 3 would survive to the age of 10 or more. The life was rough. Yet, today, we are likely more tired than ever. Most of us works in offices, or even from home, most jobs aren't that hard, wars are burning as they always do but hidden from a lot of us who can see only what media allows us to see. We watch other people's "perfect lives" on internet, we see too many almost perfect looking people or just perfect looking every single day, people with no apparent flaws in life or body or face, we know way too much but still not enough, we want to be liked by total strangers and we do not know what is real anymore. We can't create because we want audience to approve our work, we can't be ourselves because we want to be perfect too, want to be liked, want to live life that i...

 My Grandmother and me, aproximately the same age. Sure, her photo was created maybe in 1960s or 1970s so it's really bad quality and it was colored (badly) after. But I am amazed how genetics work, you can clearly see we are related. Except her eyes were blue, mine are black... as my soul (sorry, couldn't help it! 😊) Interestingly enough, I saw some really blurred photo of her in her 20s, that must have been taken around 1950 I think, or even at the end of 1940 and I did not look like that in my 20s. But here, as we aged and lost baby fat in face, some things look eaeily similar. Btw my kid looks almost nothing like me. But well, someone else can have stronger genetics than mine.

When we are young, some of us have good genes and have beautiful face and body. That's like minority who fits into beauty standard and beauty standard is forever and for everyone and it's very important. That means you have to be whatever media tells you that is currently beautiful. That can change in time but the point is always similar. Youthful face shaped like upside down triangle, big eyes, tiny perfect nose, plump lips, perfect skin, big hair, slim body but nicely curvy where it should be. For men it's to be tall, muscular, square jaw. "hunter eyes" (whatever that means), nice big white teeth etc. That's beautiful, that's important and that's the goal, right? Old is ugly, small eyes are ugly, bulky or bumpy nose is ugly, small mouth is ugly, square face is ugly, any body but slim is ugly. Right? Wrong! You know what, all that is crap! That's all what we have been taught to believe and think and it's implanted into our brains over tv, medi...

This is my novel, so far the only one I put on the Amazon. The reason for that is that I am not that good in English and I had no money for professional translator so I did translation myself. It's not the best but I did gave my best. It's very difficult to write in language that's not your native, but I hope the point is the most important. The novel is technically sf/horror/thriller but the point is adapting to completely new, harder lifestyle which can happen to all of us. finding something beautiful in new world that we don't know and we are not used to. The world that's not forgiving, not comfortable, does not allow mistakes. That is not set perfectly for you. That can be any situation in your life. We have no idea what will happen to us tomorrow, in a year, two, ten.. Finding your place is important. Finding purpose, beauty in anything. I am not saying I am smarter than anyone, and that I found the secret of life or adapting to any situation. I am as bad as a ...

So, I have been talking with my bank cosultant when I noticed it on the floor. A giant bug! Black with anthenes on its head and kind of segmented body. It looked huge and scary. Of course I made a sound and scared the lady from the bank on phone, and while talking I decided that I get the bug into box and let it out the window. Such huge thing has to fly, especially since it got in on fourth floor somehow (unless I brought it in on myself which is something I don't want to think about). So I get it under box and put it outside on window sill, pretty sure it will fly away. It didn't. I noticed that bug was sitting there panicking, tryng to get down thwn the sill and then getting scared and going back. No one expects to see the giant bug panicking. But there it was. So I felt sorry for the damn thing and trapped it again under plastic box with holes and brought it outside in the hall of the building. I mean, it can go downstairs, right? I noticed that while insde the box, the bug...

James Spader (timeless sex appeal, effortlessly sexy) Adam Ant (energy, moves, voice, personality and perfect face) David Bowie (strong unique looks, animalistic sex appeal, self-confidence and talent ) Sam Rockwell (boyish charm, energy) Mads Mikkelsen (weirdly sensual, incredibly attractive, great face, talented ah) Noah Segan (bad boy charm, amazing bone structure) David Howard Thornton (I know, I know, but there is something about him, I just adore him) Roger Taylor (Queen drummer, incredibly cute, always smiling, smart and educated, great face, talented) Tom Hiddleston (I am sucker for British men, he is sexy in weird British way)