Pisanije

Recently, I noticed that even though I sometimes complain of being lonely, I actually actively decline almost every human contact that is offered to me. And I mean 99% of it, if not a whole 100%. I don't really know why, and what is happening to me but I am just so freaking tired, I can't find the strength to deal with people, any people. It's not just physical tiredness, although there is that too, there is enormous mental, emotional, psychological tiredness that I can't seem to overcome. I don't have the will to do anything. Sometimes, I even prepare myself, like, I will go out and socialize, and then just give up. I think I am broken. I do socialize though with animals, mostly cats. Because, it's so easy. They are cute and cuddly, they enjoy pets, they like to eat and they are happy when they get food and cuddles. It's so easy. There is a catch with that connection too. Since those are strays, they do sometimes, disappear or die, get sick, get hurt, and i...

Cats are very special animals, they are their own species. No wonder they are and always have been rulling the internet, people are just mesmerized by those little beings. I can't but to like and respect cats and this is why. Cats are super-cute. Seriously, they look like children toys, like something made by Japanese animation teams, they do not look real, they are that cute. Nature created cats seemingly by composing everything humans consider cute into one little animal (or not so little in case of bigger cats): large eyes, tiny button nose, fluffiness, little paws with literall sharp daggers that can pop out whenever (thish somehow makes them even cuter), I mean, you can't deny they are freaking adorable! And they KNOW they are cute, look at my little Diva, she is senior but she knows she is cute. Cats are graceful. They can jump far up or long ahead and do it with incredible grace, they can make moves that would impress even the greates athletes, they can walk casually on ...

This Summer I visited Italy, Sicily to be precise, and Italy is absolutely gorgeous country you need to see! It's lovely all around and everything is art, even food. No wonder I fell in love with Italy, and I would go again if I have a chance. Spain is different but I still loved it. I've been only to Majorca, so I can't say I've seen Spain, really, that would be huge overstatement. What I didn't like: Airport and ways to travel around Airport is huge and it's a total mess! When we landed there, they didn't let us out of plane for quite some time, maybe 30 minutes, then let us outside on runway and kept us there, in dark for maybe an hour, until bus finally picked us up and get us to baggage claim. It was a nightmare of being tired and waiting long, long lines, and waiting for bus and waiting to let you out of plane. I checked and Magaluf, where I was staying is around 22km from airport and Palma so since it was night and very late, I was tired and I though ...

Unfortunately, even for me, totally normal woman, Youtube sometimes "recommends" videos from people who call themselves "Alpha males" or red pill movement men. I do not want to watch them but I've seen videos who criticize them so I do know what's it all about. It is really weird to me that in this world full of hate, wars, and invented "reasons" to hate anyone or anything, in this short life we all have, someone found the "need" (sorry for too many quotes, I have to show that I do not agree with these) to downgrade our hard-built civilization which was upgraded for centuries with all the hardship, for God-knows which reasons. Now, why do I think this whole idea is wrong? I don't know much about this red-pill movement except for bits I've seen and I have no desire to see more, for my own mental health protection, but from what I've seen, which was enough, I can tell you as a woman few reasons from many of why they are wrong. F...

As someone well over age 50 I learned that it's much easier to attract attention with hate than with love, it's much easier for people to hate or to feel rage than to even try to understand. A lot of people see everything as they are told to see, by media, or internet, or whatever, evil versus good. Nothing in between! Just bad-good, no grey areas. And everything is a shade of grey (nothing to do the famous franchise), there are very little things, events, attitudes, opinions, people, points of view etc that are quite close to 100% evil or 100% good, but none of it is completely there. Sad thing is, although feeling love, gratefulness, being kind and understanding DOES indeed makes us feel better, it is easier to feel rage, hate, anger, mistrust, and refusing to understand, even though all that, on the long run, makes us feel miserable. It's too easy to watch the news and believe one whole nation is just bad, bad people, who should be wiped out, just because, well, people o...

We have all seen these cases. Athletes who were winning all the time, who were on top consistenlty, that lost one time and were suddenly bombed with hate and ridiculed for "being losers". We've seen or known people who were always helping everyone, who were always there for everyone who asks, always giving, always doing things for others. After saying "no" or "I really can't right now" one time, they were reduced to nothing, ditched, banished, hated by everyone. You can't say "no" when you always said "yes", right? That's the curse of being nice or helping or being a "yes" person. You can help hundreds of times, you can give your money away, you could get people out of trouble, but once you decline, for whatever reason, you are the devil. On the other and opposite side are people who do mostly damage, mean, greedy, selfish, even evil. There is something alluring in mean people to the society in general. Look wh...

Bye bye little baby, I cared, I am sorry I didn't help you in time.  

 Over next weeks I am going to give my best to erase most traces of me from the internet, especially social media. I may leave some account deactivated while I decide what to do with them, as I worked a lot on them, and I can't remove my novel from Amazon, and other sites that have my name on it, but as much as I can remove, I will remove. I want googling my name to return as less as possible. I am going away. I want to erase as much traces of me as I can. Maybe I will remove my novel and other novels I put online too, I am still not sure about this but I am thinking of it. No one reads them anyway. Going off the grid is not finished with social media and internet, I am going off in real life too, as much as possible. I am done with most of humanity. I had my fair share of crap received from people, insults, being hurt, being misunderstood, people who hate me but have no fucking idea who I am, rude people, people who want to use me and pretend it's good deed, people who attack ...

 I am not sure if my opinion on my one and only Amazon novel is just too high or the overcrowded marked suffocates it to the point of no existence, probably both, but since my poor blog has people visiting it, I want to try a little self-marketing again. My novel: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PLQHQKB is still online, and probably drowned in the sea of billions of other books on Amazon. I know that, since English is not my native language, and I wrote this one in Englilsh, it's not the best written novel ever (to put it lightly) but I hope that story and characters are captivating since I invested a lot in developing complex story with many layers and characters which I really hope are believable as people, and that people can relate to them. The idea of the story is, if you coud choose between safe annd comfortable, but boring, predictable and kind of suffocating and fully controled life, and unsafe, dangerous, completely ridiculous and unpredictable but kind of free and exciting l...

 So, I have been to Italy this Summer, like I've been in 2023. I've found a little non-expensive hotel on the beach, kind of fair walk far from the center of the town but still the best I could find. I like Sicily. It's lovely, a bit scorched, hot and crowded in August but still nice. Lots of art in Taormina, not just paintings, sculptures, architecture, but also food... that food! How are Italians such slim people I can not understand. All they eat is pasta, cakes, cookies, pastries... And this time, I got giant deluxe room on the top of the hotel mansion, because there were no ordinary rooms left! You gotta love such exchange! Top floor, look at the Sicily from above and giant tv, all channels in Italian, but well... I didn't complain. Lots of pasta, lots of cakes, some gelato, some sunburns while hiking under sun and once got lost looking for Communal garden, in the sun, on high heels. Even the airport wasn't bad experience, crowded but not too crowded, nice coff...

So, I started using ChatGPT. At first, some google AI named Gemini literally self-installed on my Android, and I tested it but it didn't really make me interested so I removed it. It looked too much like a plain Google search. It was like, you ask a question, Gemini does a google search instead of you and that's about it. Sometimes, though, answers were useful but nothing that a good search engine can't do. After some time, led by curiosity, I installed ChatGPT to check it out. Now, let me state that I am pretty anxious person, so my questions for AI tend to look like a string of hypochondriac's bursts out. A lot of my questions are health related, but there are also the other ones, more practical, like general information seeking, even advice on social connections and communications. I was pretty surprised by the results. The damn thing really tries to give you proper answers. I am not saying the answers are 100% right because I don't know that (that's why I am...

 I've noticed that a lot of people that I follow on social media, mostly Youtube, either complain or just plain tell that they have problem with bullying and people who insult them or even threaten them online, or I can just see such comments piling up under their videos. I have respect for people who can deal with that level of bullying and constant insults and threats and who have to meet with that every single day. And I am not talking about people who talk about controverisal stuff, people who share opinion on topics that seriously divide humanity, or even stuff that is in any way political, economical, social, it could be a freaking cooking channel! There will always be some minority that will come to that channel with sole purpose to hurt someone, mostly a channel owner. There is no beauty influencer that didn't at least hundreds of times got comments that they are ugly, or horrible or look old, no matter how gorgeous and really wholesome that person is. It doesn't ma...