четвртак, 02. септембар 2021.

Expectations of life

 Are great or less great expectations of life harmful for us? They might be. Everyone has goals,  expectations, plans and wants that to work. But, what happens if that doesn't happen for us? Because, no matter how hard we work, no matter how hard we try, push, life is not predictable, more often than not, it doesn't go our way and it's not "working" as we want it. More often than not things don't turn out as we want them.

Note: Of course, I am not super smart person, or life coach or educated as psychologist or whatever, so all this is just my opinion based on my experience.

What are some common expectations?

Sometimes, we work a lot to get a job of our dreams, or be famous. And we work really a lot, looking at people who got famous, who got that dream job, but with far less work, far less competence and less talent than we have. So why wouldn't it work for us? Because, sometimes it doesn't. There is no explanation, everything that happens is a complex structure of circumstances, current events, right moment at the right time (or wrong), connections, people and places etc. There is no sure, no-fail formula for any success. Even if you work your ass off, even if you get to know all the right people, even if you are proven talent... nothing is guaranteed, sorry. So, putting your eggs in that one basket can result in not only large disappointment but also losing all other opportunities you missed in life, chasing this single one.

Sometimes, we have expectations in love, and that is very tricky because people say that the harder you try to find and keep love, more desperate you become and harder it gets. But if you don't try at all, again, of course, you will not find it. Obviously, there is a thin, thin area of luck (to meet right person), investment, compromise and balance of give and take for love to become present in your life. Even then, even if you invest every aspect of you, find the right person, do all the right things, there are no guarantees. Hollywood serves us ideals of love which can not exist in real life or at very least, can not persist for some time, and this can make our expectations even more unrealistic. Not even realistic expectations in love can always succeed. Not so rarely, it happens that even modest expectations don't work for you. That can make person miserable. They failed in love. Expectations of life in love can destroy everything else beautiful you have in life. Why let it happen?

Perfect face and body. There is so much of this issue on social media. People who show their amazing bodies as "before" photo only to show "after" photo of even thinner, even more muscular body. People who upload photos of their "puberty glow up", people who upload their photos of any "glow up", after weight loss, after plastic surgery etc. There is nothing wrong with being proud with your accomplishments. You should be. But, problem arises when you spend most of your life being miserable trying to achieve that perfect face and body. Problem arises when your goal is just not realistic, not achievable, not something you need and won't really make you happy anyway. Problem is when you are miserable because of things you can not change. And when getting old becomes problem because you think you will not be beautiful anymore and getting old naturally, letting yourself look old becomes "social failure".

What to do?

I am not life coach, I myself am lost and have lots of unhealthy expectations, not better than anyone else. But, if I think deeply, I would say my goal would be to live in a moment, not yesterday, not tomorrow, not in future, not in past. Not to have rigid plan of life that could go awry and make me miserable, not to have great expectations which are related to changing other people's will and decisions, or to accidental circumstances, and when those fail, not to be miserable and think it's all my fault. Just keep going. Have my own opinions and not let other who disagree with me bring me down and thing that I am stupid or wrong. We are all entitled to our opinions as long as it doesn't actively hurt someone. As I am pushing 50, look people, life is short, eat, drink, catch any happy moment, read good books, go out if you want, sit home if you prefer, watch good movies or read good comics, sleep, have hobbies, whatever makes you happy. Don't look back, past is gone. Don't fright the future, it's not here yet. Just fucking live! And I am saying this desperately to myself too. I just won't listen.

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