Pisanije

I am invisible, but not in a sense people may think when someone says this phrase. When someone says they are invisible, they usually mean visually unremarkable, someone that blends in with a crowd that can be easily forgotten. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, if you ask me. While with aging (and I am approaching 54 this year), yes, sure I am becoming visually more and more "unremarkable" with each year, thanks to our social culture that for women only quality is her youth and looks (because we are not humans, see my other article about that topic), I think I am not quite there yet. I am still pretty recognizable, and if I want (but I usually don't) I can stand out in the crowd. But that's not what I mean by invisible. I am invisible as complete person, as personality with all the things I can do and I can offer. And I am pretty sure I am not the only one who feels like that. Unless you are rich, famous, ultra media-gorgeous, so talented that it's unique in t...

I've seen and heard many times how influencers and celebrities complained that they have problems with mean comments, rude remarks about their looks, even really evil things they hear about themselves, especially in media. But, honestly, they are not alone. They are just more exposed than the rest of us. There are people who love to bully someone, anyone, providing they can get away with that safely, and they will do that to anyone. And "to anyone" means to someone who can not fight back or hurt them in any way, because bullies are cowards. Usual "targets" are women, or men who can't or won't fight back, people who don't have friends or family to defend them, easy targets to say it shortly. If not that, internet has made things for bullies so much easier. Now they can bully literally anyone online and get away with it. They can even form a mob, so they can do that in groups. Since I do not have that bully mentality I really don't understand what...

Recently, I noticed that even though I sometimes complain of being lonely, I actually actively decline almost every human contact that is offered to me. And I mean 99% of it, if not a whole 100%. I don't really know why, and what is happening to me but I am just so freaking tired, I can't find the strength to deal with people, any people. It's not just physical tiredness, although there is that too, there is enormous mental, emotional, psychological tiredness that I can't seem to overcome. I don't have the will to do anything. Sometimes, I even prepare myself, like, I will go out and socialize, and then just give up. I think I am broken. I do socialize though with animals, mostly cats. Because, it's so easy. They are cute and cuddly, they enjoy pets, they like to eat and they are happy when they get food and cuddles. It's so easy. There is a catch with that connection too. Since those are strays, they do sometimes, disappear or die, get sick, get hurt, and i...

Unfortunately, even for me, totally normal woman, Youtube sometimes "recommends" videos from people who call themselves "Alpha males" or red pill movement men. I do not want to watch them but I've seen videos who criticize them so I do know what's it all about. It is really weird to me that in this world full of hate, wars, and invented "reasons" to hate anyone or anything, in this short life we all have, someone found the "need" (sorry for too many quotes, I have to show that I do not agree with these) to downgrade our hard-built civilization which was upgraded for centuries with all the hardship, for God-knows which reasons. Now, why do I think this whole idea is wrong? I don't know much about this red-pill movement except for bits I've seen and I have no desire to see more, for my own mental health protection, but from what I've seen, which was enough, I can tell you as a woman few reasons from many of why they are wrong. F...

As someone well over age 50 I learned that it's much easier to attract attention with hate than with love, it's much easier for people to hate or to feel rage than to even try to understand. A lot of people see everything as they are told to see, by media, or internet, or whatever, evil versus good. Nothing in between! Just bad-good, no grey areas. And everything is a shade of grey (nothing to do the famous franchise), there are very little things, events, attitudes, opinions, people, points of view etc that are quite close to 100% evil or 100% good, but none of it is completely there. Sad thing is, although feeling love, gratefulness, being kind and understanding DOES indeed makes us feel better, it is easier to feel rage, hate, anger, mistrust, and refusing to understand, even though all that, on the long run, makes us feel miserable. It's too easy to watch the news and believe one whole nation is just bad, bad people, who should be wiped out, just because, well, people o...

We have all seen these cases. Athletes who were winning all the time, who were on top consistenlty, that lost one time and were suddenly bombed with hate and ridiculed for "being losers". We've seen or known people who were always helping everyone, who were always there for everyone who asks, always giving, always doing things for others. After saying "no" or "I really can't right now" one time, they were reduced to nothing, ditched, banished, hated by everyone. You can't say "no" when you always said "yes", right? That's the curse of being nice or helping or being a "yes" person. You can help hundreds of times, you can give your money away, you could get people out of trouble, but once you decline, for whatever reason, you are the devil. On the other and opposite side are people who do mostly damage, mean, greedy, selfish, even evil. There is something alluring in mean people to the society in general. Look wh...

 I've noticed that a lot of people that I follow on social media, mostly Youtube, either complain or just plain tell that they have problem with bullying and people who insult them or even threaten them online, or I can just see such comments piling up under their videos. I have respect for people who can deal with that level of bullying and constant insults and threats and who have to meet with that every single day. And I am not talking about people who talk about controverisal stuff, people who share opinion on topics that seriously divide humanity, or even stuff that is in any way political, economical, social, it could be a freaking cooking channel! There will always be some minority that will come to that channel with sole purpose to hurt someone, mostly a channel owner. There is no beauty influencer that didn't at least hundreds of times got comments that they are ugly, or horrible or look old, no matter how gorgeous and really wholesome that person is. It doesn't ma...

Social media can be the devil. I admit I enjoy Youtube a lot, there are lots of very enjoyable channels, with quality information, or fun and comedy, or just plain enjoyable. Then, there are the other ones. I really can't tell why I keep getting those on my recommended list because I don't like them, I don't search for them, and I usually mark them as "not interested". Anti-women videos. I took a peak at few of them and it made me sad and angry at the same time. Why people always invent reasons to hate groups of people based on various things? There are hate videos on certain nationalities, races, religions, sexual orientations, whatever you can imagine evil human mind can think of. And of course, there are videos directed at women. Lets be real, I do not condone any type of hate based on gender, nationality, race, traditions, sexual orientation, or whatever type of criteria evil human mind can invent. I don't care for men-hating videos too. I do not think peo...

We live in supposedly the easiest times. People used to live much shorter, harder lives, they used to work 10, 12 or even more hours of hard work every day. They would have like 10 children and only 3 would survive to the age of 10 or more. The life was rough. Yet, today, we are likely more tired than ever. Most of us works in offices, or even from home, most jobs aren't that hard, wars are burning as they always do but hidden from a lot of us who can see only what media allows us to see. We watch other people's "perfect lives" on internet, we see too many almost perfect looking people or just perfect looking every single day, people with no apparent flaws in life or body or face, we know way too much but still not enough, we want to be liked by total strangers and we do not know what is real anymore. We can't create because we want audience to approve our work, we can't be ourselves because we want to be perfect too, want to be liked, want to live life that i...

This is my novel, so far the only one I put on the Amazon. The reason for that is that I am not that good in English and I had no money for professional translator so I did translation myself. It's not the best but I did gave my best. It's very difficult to write in language that's not your native, but I hope the point is the most important. The novel is technically sf/horror/thriller but the point is adapting to completely new, harder lifestyle which can happen to all of us. finding something beautiful in new world that we don't know and we are not used to. The world that's not forgiving, not comfortable, does not allow mistakes. That is not set perfectly for you. That can be any situation in your life. We have no idea what will happen to us tomorrow, in a year, two, ten.. Finding your place is important. Finding purpose, beauty in anything. I am not saying I am smarter than anyone, and that I found the secret of life or adapting to any situation. I am as bad as a ...

My novel " Mima and life on planet Inferno " is currently on Amazon Read about possible dystopian future on this world compared to one newly terraformed planet! Primary genre is SF, but there are elements of action, fantasy, horror, comedy and social commentary. Please, enjoy! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PLQHQKB

 Since I kind of reached an age of reason, I wanted to have female friends, mythical girlfriends, mythical, powerful female friendship that so many movies, tv series, medias, and now social media on internet talks about. I never had one. Never. Never had a female friend. I watched movies and tv shows about strong women in great friendships that made each other lives richer, fuller, better, that would do anything one for another. But I've never lived anything even close to that. I had some male friends, but there was always a wall between us, sometimes smaller, sometimes big wall, wall between two people desperately trying not to cross any boundaries. Because, no matter if we are not attracted to each other sexually, or in any way but as friends, no matter that it's just a friend intentions from both sides, that wall is kind of always there. It's always a bit awkward, we can not talk about everything, there are topics that we can and topics that we can't talk about. Ther...

Let me get it straight: I don't believe in "masculine and feminine energy", personally I think it's BS made up so that men could put women "in their place" and make them their personal slaves without any opportunity to complain or escape or have their own opinions and interests, but, not less important, also to make men ashamed if they are not cold, harsh, strong and unemotional 24hours a day every day in life, to make them feel like crap if they "dare" to break, if they love something that's not considered "masculine", if they don't have certain interests or don't make enough money. It goes both ways and it's not good for anyone. Especially for people who do not want to fit into gender stereotypes, or LGBTQ people. You are what you are however you dress or behave, it's still YOU. Nothing can change that. If someone doesn't like you, they don't like you and you should not change your behavior and personality or...

 It seems a lot of people online (probably IRL too) are dividing into two groups: leftist and conservatives. It's all usually so that one side presents the other as extreme. I doubt that is really the case. Sure, there are always extremist out there, on both sides, but I surely hope they are not in majority. What I personally think is that the middle, as always is the best way to go. Not too far left, not too far right. I watched a lot of very liberal videos on youtube, and a lot of conservative right wing videos too, mainly from people who are objectively intelligent and have reasonable arguments. But... but still it's a bit too much on both sides. I feel the biggest issue with both sides is that that hate and mock each other. There is no tolerance on other people's preferences and no understanding on human diversity and differences. You can't make a mold for all people to fit in. That's just horribly controlling and even fascist. Problem with extreme conservatives...

 I haven't been to many countries in my life. I've been to Hungary, Croatia, Egypt, Turkey, Greece, Cyprus, Germany, Czechoslovakia aaaaand that's about it! And let me tell you, I loved every single each of these countries, and could easily find beauty in each of them. And a lot of beauty! People see differences as reason to fight, to create wars, to hate... But differences are lovely, fun, beautiful! Seeing other cultures, tasting their specific meals, seeing and feeling their art, music, how can you not love that! Differences in outside looks of different races are amazing, not the reason to hate or laugh at others. All people are beautiful, only ugliness comes from the ugly soul and that does not show on skin. Can you see how beautiful different people are? How beautiful animals are? How perfect is nature, endless green hills, blue-green sea with so much life in it, fields of fertile ground? Have you looked better at some poor stray kitty to see how lovely she is? Did yo...