Pisanije

I am invisible, but not in a sense people may think when someone says this phrase. When someone says they are invisible, they usually mean visually unremarkable, someone that blends in with a crowd that can be easily forgotten. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, if you ask me. While with aging (and I am approaching 54 this year), yes, sure I am becoming visually more and more "unremarkable" with each year, thanks to our social culture that for women only quality is her youth and looks (because we are not humans, see my other article about that topic), I think I am not quite there yet. I am still pretty recognizable, and if I want (but I usually don't) I can stand out in the crowd. But that's not what I mean by invisible. I am invisible as complete person, as personality with all the things I can do and I can offer. And I am pretty sure I am not the only one who feels like that. Unless you are rich, famous, ultra media-gorgeous, so talented that it's unique in t...

Unfortunately, even for me, totally normal woman, Youtube sometimes "recommends" videos from people who call themselves "Alpha males" or red pill movement men. I do not want to watch them but I've seen videos who criticize them so I do know what's it all about. It is really weird to me that in this world full of hate, wars, and invented "reasons" to hate anyone or anything, in this short life we all have, someone found the "need" (sorry for too many quotes, I have to show that I do not agree with these) to downgrade our hard-built civilization which was upgraded for centuries with all the hardship, for God-knows which reasons. Now, why do I think this whole idea is wrong? I don't know much about this red-pill movement except for bits I've seen and I have no desire to see more, for my own mental health protection, but from what I've seen, which was enough, I can tell you as a woman few reasons from many of why they are wrong. F...

As someone well over age 50 I learned that it's much easier to attract attention with hate than with love, it's much easier for people to hate or to feel rage than to even try to understand. A lot of people see everything as they are told to see, by media, or internet, or whatever, evil versus good. Nothing in between! Just bad-good, no grey areas. And everything is a shade of grey (nothing to do the famous franchise), there are very little things, events, attitudes, opinions, people, points of view etc that are quite close to 100% evil or 100% good, but none of it is completely there. Sad thing is, although feeling love, gratefulness, being kind and understanding DOES indeed makes us feel better, it is easier to feel rage, hate, anger, mistrust, and refusing to understand, even though all that, on the long run, makes us feel miserable. It's too easy to watch the news and believe one whole nation is just bad, bad people, who should be wiped out, just because, well, people o...

 I've noticed that a lot of people that I follow on social media, mostly Youtube, either complain or just plain tell that they have problem with bullying and people who insult them or even threaten them online, or I can just see such comments piling up under their videos. I have respect for people who can deal with that level of bullying and constant insults and threats and who have to meet with that every single day. And I am not talking about people who talk about controverisal stuff, people who share opinion on topics that seriously divide humanity, or even stuff that is in any way political, economical, social, it could be a freaking cooking channel! There will always be some minority that will come to that channel with sole purpose to hurt someone, mostly a channel owner. There is no beauty influencer that didn't at least hundreds of times got comments that they are ugly, or horrible or look old, no matter how gorgeous and really wholesome that person is. It doesn't ma...

 How many times you heard that when you are depressed, on the edge and feel like nothing has meaning anymore, no one loves you and you don't matter, that you should "reach out" and "seek for help"? Hundreds of times. Like, our world is full of love and people willing to love you and to help you, and you just need to reach out and ask. BULLSHIT! I asked for help, many many many times. No one cared. No one wanted to listen. I was boring. I was not interesting. I was making everyone feel bad. I need medications, tons of them (that's what happens when you ask doctor for help, I mean psychiatrist) because no talk or understanding where I am can help. I do not matter, to anyone. When I am not young, or fun, or in the mood, when I am depressed, and I stop cleaning my apartment and I do not care anymore that I sleep on broken couch, and that I have dozens of spiders all around, and that there are way too many stuff laying all around dangerously looking like hoarding...

  Part 3: Getting out He was surprised but shrugged his shoulders. "People get used to everything." "You'd be surprised," he added. "Can I see the others you managed to wake up? Maybe I know someone." After the physiotherapy, I looked at the pages on the small computer board with faces and more faces of the awakened. Some people's faces were slightly blurred and had the words "deceased" across them. The whole search was frustrating and sad. The whole planet went to hell and mommy's and daddy's rich children got away with it and the rest of us are just experiments, who can explode at any moment like an old hand grenade. The first time I went outside after getting on my feet was a shock, and not just physically. Before that, I barely got rid of Darko, whom I mentioned earlier as a confused red-haired young man with a beard. Darko seemed to be a little to fond of me, he hanged around me saying the most incredible amounts of the weird...

Part 3: Stem cells Fast forward to the day when I could successfully roll around in a wheelchair, which wasn't even electric, but old-fashioned, with the wheels that I had to push with my hands. My legs were now functional, but not enough to walk on my own. They wouldn't let me out of my cell...ups sorry, I mean hospital room, except when they were driving me for tests, scans, endless needle poking and electrocutions. During those not-so-pleasant tests and treatments, I had the opportunity to take a look at my arms and legs, and even my torso, and it was clear that whatever they did, they managed to rejuvenate my body by at least twenty years. I wasn't optimistic about that because a dark-haired young man, Dr. Marianusic, told me that almost half of the stem cell treatments ended "very, very badly." I didn't want to ask for details. After all, what do I have to lose at my age? After an additional two hundred years of half-life in ice? I became nervous from all...

Part2: I am awake  I ask them to straighten me up, everything hurts from lying down and my eyes are constantly fixed on the not so interesting ceiling. My mind is in an incredible confusion and I have many questions. They carefully pick me up and place me in a wheelchair. This is my life now. I remember being 67 years old. An old woman completely paralyzed, in a wheelchair, who can only blink and squeak a little. Why did they wake me up? The view from the upright position is not much more interesting than the ceiling. Everything around me is white, and it immediately reminds me of a hospital. The smell of antiseptics, steel, alcohol, the whiteness of painted walls and the silvery shine of steel. Doesn't look comforting at all, ice was better. Around me is a group of people, young people, I would say, maybe in their thirties. There are four of them and they are all dressed in sterile white suits from head to toe. Two of them wear complex helmets, like the one I hallucinated that it ...

Part 1: After The End I don't remember the event of the disaster, I don't even remember certain details, segments. That entire short period has been erased from my memory. Only after the end of the world I remember a period of consciousness that I cannot explain, because I was as dead, just as everyone else on earth, frozen forever in a giant block of ice. I didn't panic, which might be understandable in the given situation, I calmly observed the frozen world around me, the glassy walls of the ice cave and the block of ice in which we were all caught like insects in amber. There was little light in there, only a few glimmers that refracted hundreds of times on the icy rocks and penetrated into the open eyes of those of us who met our ends awake and aware. I was freed from everything, feelings, pain, physical needs, even aging, I felt a peace that I had never felt before. The peace of someone who has absolutely nothing left to lose. All I had was the play of lights and shado...

Mima and life on planet Inferno My novel "Mima and life on planet Inferno" is online in paperback and kindle version with new covers, made by professional artist Mladen Oljaca (listed as illustrator on page). I wrote hopefully better "blurb" (description) this time, and trying to find ways to promote. It's sf novel about two different worlds and tough choice for protagonist Mima, a high-school teacher living her not-so-best-life, of where to chose to live: safe, comfortable but a bit boring and too sheltered world on her home planet, or crazy, interesting world full of action but also dangerous, dirty, uncomfortable and violent world on another planet. What will she choose? Check it out on Amazon, paperback and Kindle version available! https://www.amazon.com/Mima-Planet-Inferno-Biljana-Malesevic-ebook/dp/B09PLQHQKB/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

 Recently I get a lot of videos made by plastic surgeons and various physicians in Aesthetics procedures in my youtube recommended. I am not sure how this happened but I watched a string of these videos by various medical doctors just to see what it's about. I have nothing against medical procedures that exist to make you feel better about your looks and make you feel beautiful or look younger. That is actually a great thing. If I had money, of course I would like some of these procedures on me, mostly non invasive ones because I am scared of surgeries. I can also understand these highly educated people live from these procedures and of course they will promote it. But there are differences in ways they do it. Some do it in good ways, giving advice on each procedures, warnings what not to do, recommendations of what is best for you, how to get the best results etc. Some are even fun and create creative videos that are as funny as they are informative. But there are some that kind o...