Reach out for help if you need it... yeah, right!

 How many times you heard that when you are depressed, on the edge and feel like nothing has meaning anymore, no one loves you and you don't matter, that you should "reach out" and "seek for help"? Hundreds of times. Like, our world is full of love and people willing to love you and to help you, and you just need to reach out and ask. BULLSHIT!

I asked for help, many many many times. No one cared. No one wanted to listen. I was boring. I was not interesting. I was making everyone feel bad. I need medications, tons of them (that's what happens when you ask doctor for help, I mean psychiatrist) because no talk or understanding where I am can help. I do not matter, to anyone. When I am not young, or fun, or in the mood, when I am depressed, and I stop cleaning my apartment and I do not care anymore that I sleep on broken couch, and that I have dozens of spiders all around, and that there are way too many stuff laying all around dangerously looking like hoarding... I am not interesting. I am not celebrity so that people are "concerned" about me. I am not young so that I have some "youth value" and expectations society has from young people, I am not fun, I do not laugh, most of the time I am awkward and do not know what to say, most of the time I just want to be alone and left alone. Society has no need of such people. We are treated like trash, by everyone. And since I am also a woman, society reminds me often that my value after age of, I don't know, 35, 45, 50, depending how "generous" they are, goes way down and becomes almost nothing.

When they say "reach out for help" what do they mean exactly? Reach out to whom? To friends who ghosted or left you? To family who thinks you are boring and all your problems are boring and you should not complain because everyone else has it worse? To doctors whose only solution for every problem is to prescribe you medications and tranquilize you? To internet people who you will never ever meet and there always be some that will further insult you because they got kick out of it?

There is no reaching out. Fight or die, that's life.