уторак, 29. март 2022.

My acrylic paintings

This was taken by android camera and the light in room is bad so it doesn't catch all the colors and some paintings look crocked. Sorry!







 

недеља, 27. март 2022.

How to adjust to about any big change in life

This page presents a bit more about my novel, which is available on Amazon as Kindle and soft cover book:

https://www.amazon.com/Biljana-Malesevic/e/B09PMKNR7J?ref_=pe_1724030_132998060

Illustrations I made for my novel, and later, first chapter. Novel is about adjustments, in this particular case, from safe, clean world where everything is available, organized, clean, safe and protected, to the world of chaos where nothing is safe, clean or organized, where anarchy prevails, but there are some perks that go with that. It's about changing your life, risks, adapting, finding treasure in every situation or environment! This is my heroine, Mima, a teacher from future Earth:


First scene is Mima putting on lipstick:


Arrival on new planet is not easy...

But, she is adapting

Getting new friends, some of them are not looking like humans

Some predictions by local psychic which are not optimistic

Meeting some really weird people

And some new relationships...

aaaaaand... First chapter!

1. 

Heavy fog was setting on the city again, as one already usual result of pollution. Mima used the remaining gentle rays of the sun to put neutral, barely noticeable lipstick on her lips. She lifted her carefully straightened hair, twisted it into a bun with practiced movement and locked it with a hairclip. Her natural hair was wavy, with passionate auburn color, and it alluded too much "sexiness" (as the principal of the school where she worked coyly said) to be allowed to show it in its natural state at school. She put on a modest, pearly white shirt made of some strange new materials with an almost authentic pearly sheen and a long, tight, black skirt. When she put on her black opaque stockings and looked in the full-length mirror, she laughed out loud. She looked like a middle-aged old-time schoolteacher, strict, firm and authoritative, as if it wasn’t 23nd century, and students were still coming to school personally and physically. Only professors and teachers had to be physically present in school, and even that was a rule only in public schools that were too poor and did not have the means to purchase complete equipment for virtual teaching. Mima's school was public school, but she had many students whose monthly, sometimes weekly allowance, was several times higher than her monthly salary. It was depressing to think about it, especially since it was no longer allowed for students to bring any gifts to teachers, even during holidays or birthdays, as it used to be a custom long time ago. Now such a procedure was considered a bribery. 

Mima straightened her socks and called a taxi with one click on the transparent yellow plate on the dashboard. In a few minutes the cabin arrived, almost invisible door in the wall opened and Mima entered a small, cramped box that was supposed to transport her to the school. This was expensive, and too expensive for her income, but it was certainly comfortable and, in a way, luxurious, and therefore worth a sacrifice. She sat down in a small, red armchair and indulged in a ride. It is a pity, however, that the windows in taxis have been sealed since the number of people who suffered from dizziness increased and who were afraid of rides at such a height but could not resist raising the curtains. While she traveled to school, Mima opened her Universal, made exactly according to her instructions and perfect. It was like a small laptop computer slightly larger than the A4 format, color of dark cherries with purple admixtures, and with capabilities strong enough to cover all her needs and more. Mima opened its solid box made of unbreakable plastic and discovered the screen, with the virtual keyboard on the bottom. Several parallel virtual 3D screens immediately appeared in the air in front of her with the latest data and news. Easily and without the slightest touch, her fingers danced above the keyboard and on the virtual screens, choosing news, magazines and portals, and then quickly reviewing the school schedule, classes and notes on problematic students. As soon as she finished, a sign on the wall in front of her lit up that they have arrived. After the signal, the door opened and Mima stepped into an empty, dark and cold hallway, where computers with all the data needed for the school to function were hidden in seemingly solid, stone walls. Very quickly she found a booth that served as her classroom. She pushed her Universal aside and opened the large classroom screen. The camera immediately turned on and, with the appropriate signal to start classes, transported her scanned 3D image to the cabin of each student in the class. First, she made a roll-calling, checking for "fakes" along the way. "Fakes" were skillfully created virtual 3D characters of students who were supposed to replace them in the virtual classroom, to sit and be silent and give the impression that the student is present behind his or her console which was usually in their room at home, although the student at that moment was doing something else, likely in their opinion "more fun". 

 

"Fake students", unfortunately, still had flaws, for a start, they could not answer direct questions, especially if they were not typical, expected questions, which could be preprogrammed into a virtual character. Finally, in order to prevent students faking their presence at classes, the "fakes" detection tactic was introduced, which was applied during each presence checking and consisted of simple but unexpected questions that a real student could easily answer, but the "fakes" could not. Mima checked students’ presence using small headphone earrings. Of course, as usual, she discovered several "fakes" and recorded their absence in the school database for that class. Then she went on with lecture for that class. A few hours later, she drove on a conveyor belt to the cabin for transportation home. In the last couple of decades, almost no one has ever gone outside, in, so to speak, nature, because nature, as it was a few centuries ago, hardly existed at all, and pollution was on dangerous level. That's why it all came down to traveling on conveyor belts and transport cabins, which some people still affectionately called "taxis", from one building or structure to another. The sky could be seen only in strictly marked places, which were ecologically suitable for going out, and those areas were becoming smaller with time and more and more looking like greenhouses, or at the very best, tiny national park where some nature was still preserved. There were fewer and fewer such parks, and they were becoming more and more alarmingly too artificial and overly landscaped and overly controlled to really resemble nature as it was, but they were the only thing humanity had to go outside or take a walk in the fresh air, albeit artificially cleaned. By the way, hardly anyone had time to take a walk in that, so-to-speak, nature. People made purchases digitally, from their homes and paid with a fingerprint or via an eyeball scan. Money has not existed as a physical object for a long time, it was completely fictional and circulated through numbers that were stored in numerous databases. Mima liked to read magazines from the old centuries, which she found and bought with great difficulty, because paper was rare and no longer used. She preferred to find magazines from the period at the end of the twentieth and the beginning of the twenty-first century. She was convinced that life back then was much better and more meaningful then than it is now. She gazed at photos of models on the docks, in beautiful villas on the sea and on the streets of old, beautiful cities, and even though those girls were long dead, she desperately envied them. Were they aware of everything they had? How many happy, now long-deceased people from that most interesting period from 1990 to 2010 were aware of how beautiful was the world in which they lived? Walking through the streets of the city, looking at the window shops, breathing the fresh summer air and smelling the freshly blossoming trees in the air, that was unthinkable now, and it must have been amazing. Mima was amazed at how many people didn't understand her on that matter. 

"What are you going to do outside?", they would ask, honestly confused "everything can be bought from home, isn't that wonderful? There is no sweating in the hot summer sun or freezing in the winter, you can't get wet from rain or be late for the bus, no one can rob you or harass you on the streets. Everything is so safe. What is the problem?” 

"The problem is that we have become dead, blazed, that we are controlled and programmed like electronic dolls. Nothing makes us happy, nothing is beautiful, nothing gives us any challenges, dangers, or at least a little inconvenience. " Mima would try to explain desperately, but she would be greeted by more misunderstandings on the other side. And who needs inconvenience, people would wonder. Who has time for unforeseen circumstances and waiting in lines, or God forbid, dangers? If you want challenges, you can always go to sports center, where there are many challenges, and none of them are dangerous. 

"But that is exactly the thing, that there is no real danger. What kind of challenge is that? Mima would say. 

"Challenge is to reach the limits of your own endurance, to surpass them, to become fit and strong."  people would say, astonished by the fact that someone is so ignorant, that is ready to risk health and even life for some challenges. 

"Walk in the sun, in the air full of ozone after the rain, maybe a walk in the summer rain, when your sandals are full of warm water, and your clothes are wet, and the air is fresh, the snow in winter ... That must have been wonderful." 

No one understood her. It was stupid to want to lose time by visiting shops and boutiques when it was not necessary, and no one would even have time for that. It was even more silly and less understandable to want to get wet in rain, to bake in the dangerous sun or to freeze during winter. Each apartment had a thermostat that you could be set to the desired temperature. Who could wish that it simply did not exist, and humanity to go backward in civilization? Who would want the world not to be perfectly safe again and not to be completely painless? 

"Because it's all so damn fake!" Mima shouted angrily. 

Stefan looked around the cafe in disbelief, visibly irritated by her always too quick loss of control, which is why he always had problems with her in public. And this time too, all eyes around them were full of disgust. 

"Could you shut up?" He said quietly but with restraint. She could see the anger he was suffocating inside of him. This, as always, only caused her to be even more determined in loudly expressing her not very popular beliefs. 

"This society is disgusting shit!" She hissed over her icy Choco coffee. Now everyone was watching them, and she could see Stefan's face turning red with restrained rage. 

"For God's sake, Mima, what's the matter with you today?" He clenched his fists. She could see that he was ashamed of her. Although she often hated how easily she was losing control of her anger, with loads of regret once the anger would pass, Mima could not stop herself. Why don’t people let themselves to be honest anymore? What's wrong that a person reacts spontaneously and sincerely, even if it does not fit into global, unwritten social rules? Is it much better to hide behind a mask of nice acceptable person without anyone knowing what you are really thinking than to be honest even if it can be embarrassing at times? 

As if he appeared straight from the air, a cafe employee suddenly was standing next to them. 

"Please, madam, do not use such expressions and do not shout, because you are disturbing other guests." 

"Oh, and it's so hard to upset people today!" Mima said sarcastically and loud enough for everyone to hear. She knew it was a bad idea, but she couldn't stop. 

"What are you going to do, punish me for swearing? Will you throw me out?” 

"Swearing is not punishable, ma'am, but I must warn you that you are harassing other people, and there are children here." 

"Well, sometimes children used to swear the most. God, it's so easy to upset everyone today. Just say 'shit' ... " 

"Please, ma'am ..." 

"Or 'fuck you' and that everyone will lose their sh..." 

Stefan pulled her with a painful claw-like grip around her forearm and yanked her towards the taxi cabin. She screamed in anger and in pain, but he didn't look back. At that moment, she was worried that he would hit her, but something like that would certainly be socially unacceptable, and in this case, fortunately, that suited her. They were sitting in the cabin suffocated by painful silence that always reigned when they argued. Stefan was sulking, and Mima was still in her arrogant, rebellious mood, starring at the empty wall on her right, though blood started rushing to her head. When they arrived at her apartment, Stefan looked at her grimly and grumbled for the umpteenth time that he could no longer tolerate her outbursts. 

"Why not, what's the problem? I'm just being honest. Why is no one honest anymore, no one has the balls anymore? Fuck, everything is based on rules, so how will we know what real, true feeling or behavior is, and what is dictated by society? " 

"There's a difference between being honest and being savage, Mima." 

"But what if that's how I feel? What if I am all fucked up, if my job sucks, if my life feels like a swamp, if I'm depressed, if we haven't had decent sex for months and all you do is wondering if I'm socially acceptable and if I fit into your idea of an ideal woman? “ 

“Enough, Mima! You are miles and miles away from the ideal woman. Many of my friends and relatives wonder how I tolerate you at all. Sometimes I wonder myself.", he felt so justified that he didn't even notice that he insulted her. 

"Why are you with me then? Why do you suffer? Go and find yourself better girlfriend!” 

She almost hoped that he would really leave her, because even though she knew from the beginning of their already quite long relationship, that they were a bad match, she had neither the strength nor the courage to leave him. He was the first man in her life who was decent and acceptable, grown up, serious, ambitious and stable. He was the first man she dated, who didn't have any obvious problems with his personality. But he had a problem with her. Maybe she used to be attracted by problematic men before because she had a problem. Maybe people look for those that are like them, and so it must be. Either way, she wasn't ready to leave him. Years and years of terrible loneliness before him and an awful lot of pain due to previous failed relationships which she could not cope at all were enough to keep her with Stefan for six years. Maybe he loved her in his own way? Why else would he be by her side for so long? It was a painful situation for her. She knew that he would never be really happy with her, and she would never be happy with him, but that they both would never muster the courage to leave each other out of pure fear of loneliness. She feared she would never find someone who would tolerate her even as much as Stefan. 

Stefan turned to her, his fists clenched. 

"What's your problem, Mima?" 

"I have a problem with this whole world and with myself," she said honestly. 

"Can't you calm down and finally be as normal as any other person?" 

"But you see, it's not right for me that you want me to be like other people. I wish you liked me the way I am, even if I was crazy." 

"You're crazy." 

"No, Stefan, I just see what others don’t. Nothing is really forbidden, and nothing is really obligatory, not in the sense that there are written or proclaimed laws and punishments, but we are all really in mental imprisonment. Don't you see that? How come no one sees that?” 

"In prison, Mima? What are you talking about?" He didn't understand. 

"There are things you can’t do or say, there are rules that imply what you should do or say, and although you won’t really go to prison if you do not behave like that, you know that society and people will exclude you. If you are not behaving by some unwritten social rules. No one is honest, we are all very nice and educated on the outside and we do everything that needs to be done, neatly, every day, at the same pace, like robots. There are no challenges, joys, honesty, weirdness, spontaneity, people even do not dare to truly quarrel. Even when they gnaw at each other, people behave like they are being filmed by a hidden camera, so they must pay attention to every word and gesture. Where has spontaneity gone, a little spice of danger, adventure, a little madness? Why is everything around us so blazed and dead? Heck, we can’t even be caught in rain ot bad weather anymore! People have become zombies, Stefan." 

"You're crazy. There is no such thing as zombies" He didn't understand anything. Again. 

"I'm going home," he said wearily, resting his fingertip on the cab call sign. He must have really loved her. He looked tired and she was hurting a lot. When he left, she collapsed on the bed and cried for a long, long time.