Pisanije

I am invisible, but not in a sense people may think when someone says this phrase. When someone says they are invisible, they usually mean visually unremarkable, someone that blends in with a crowd that can be easily forgotten. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, if you ask me. While with aging (and I am approaching 54 this year), yes, sure I am becoming visually more and more "unremarkable" with each year, thanks to our social culture that for women only quality is her youth and looks (because we are not humans, see my other article about that topic), I think I am not quite there yet. I am still pretty recognizable, and if I want (but I usually don't) I can stand out in the crowd. But that's not what I mean by invisible. I am invisible as complete person, as personality with all the things I can do and I can offer. And I am pretty sure I am not the only one who feels like that. Unless you are rich, famous, ultra media-gorgeous, so talented that it's unique in t...

Recently, I noticed that even though I sometimes complain of being lonely, I actually actively decline almost every human contact that is offered to me. And I mean 99% of it, if not a whole 100%. I don't really know why, and what is happening to me but I am just so freaking tired, I can't find the strength to deal with people, any people. It's not just physical tiredness, although there is that too, there is enormous mental, emotional, psychological tiredness that I can't seem to overcome. I don't have the will to do anything. Sometimes, I even prepare myself, like, I will go out and socialize, and then just give up. I think I am broken. I do socialize though with animals, mostly cats. Because, it's so easy. They are cute and cuddly, they enjoy pets, they like to eat and they are happy when they get food and cuddles. It's so easy. There is a catch with that connection too. Since those are strays, they do sometimes, disappear or die, get sick, get hurt, and i...