Recently I watched "Obsession" in Cinema and it made me think. Being passenger in your own body and not being able to control it while feeling everything and still being inside of that mind is specific kind of horror. But, this is something I've lived through almost every day of my life. In dreams. Dreams are huge mystery and people still have no idea what they are exactly, why do we need them at all. Sleep, ok, fine, body is regenerating, brain is regenerating, but why dreams exist? And why are they so weird? Even animals dream though we will never know what.
In huge majority of my dreams I am someone else, not me, probably not even on this planet or this dimension, or this timeline. Only in rare occasions I can do anything to control body I am occupying in those dreams, more often than not, I am just that: a Passenger. A parasite, a little soul in mind of different body that has their own mind, life, habits, world. I am just inside of that mind, observing, feeling everything, but not being able to do almost anything. Some of these worlds I've been in are brutal! Pure horror, pain, terror, violence, so much violence, I tend to worry, how did I even get there! A lot of those times, as a Passenger, I am much less worried than it would be expected in such bleak circumstances. I do feel things. I've been sad, hurt, depressed, even desperate or crying quite often in those dreams. I've been through psychological hell way too many times. But, in some cases, when situation was really grim, I am kind of not that worried as it would be normal in such cases, as if I would be if, God forbid, that happens in this real, wake world. Sometimes, the person I inhabit does really vile things I would NEVER do in my real life, things I don't even want to remember or to know from which kind of hell that came out. But I can not control that as a Passenger.
And yes, I know it wasn't me, me from this real world who can control this body (well, I can control it most of the time). Contrary to popular beliefs, I've seen myself in mirror in dreams many, many times, and that was NOT me! Almost in 100% of cases if not all, I am a woman, or some kind of female, I guess. I don't remember ever being a Passenger of a man. More often than not, I am much much younger than in real life. A lot of times, I was in my 20s, 30s or in rare cases I was older, few times I was even older than I really am, but that was rare. I was blonde, I was redhead, I was brunette, I was pretty, I was weird looking. I've seen my reflection and wasn't even surprised by what I saw, I expected to see that exact person in mirror. Not this body, not this face I see now, but someone else. People I meet in my dreams are not people that exist in my real life, but I do sometimes identify them as someone I knew or know. I make connections, like match them to someone I know in my real life, although it's obviously not them. How my mind makes those connections, I have no freaking idea. But it does.
Is that what Death looks like? On that wheel of fortune that we ride every night, whether we remember it or not, some day, the wheel will stop and when we lose our physical body, we will be left as permanent Passenger in one of those people, in one of those worlds. It sounds better than nothing, but.. what it it ends badly? In some of those bad worlds? What if I end in one of those people who were suffering all the time I was in their minds? How do we pick where we end up? Is it like those wheels of fortune where you just hope for the best? To be honest, there were good worlds and good dreams, but bad ones were far more often. To pick a good one would be a real strike of luck. Or most of us end up like Nikki being inside of some body looking from inside and getting only short breaks when we can control it for a second. Maybe we all have even now our own little Passenger inside of us. Maybe one, maybe even more, maybe dozens. And sometimes, if there are too many of them, our mind could break and then we get what doctors call "mental illness". But it's not. It's just: too many Passengers. If we are strong, sometimes we can control them all, but one of them could do something instead of us and then we wonder "why did I say or do that? what is wrong with me?". But that's just our Passenger.
Am I onto something here?
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