Pisanije

I am invisible, but not in a sense people may think when someone says this phrase. When someone says they are invisible, they usually mean visually unremarkable, someone that blends in with a crowd that can be easily forgotten. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, if you ask me. While with aging (and I am approaching 54 this year), yes, sure I am becoming visually more and more "unremarkable" with each year, thanks to our social culture that for women only quality is her youth and looks (because we are not humans, see my other article about that topic), I think I am not quite there yet. I am still pretty recognizable, and if I want (but I usually don't) I can stand out in the crowd. But that's not what I mean by invisible. I am invisible as complete person, as personality with all the things I can do and I can offer. And I am pretty sure I am not the only one who feels like that. Unless you are rich, famous, ultra media-gorgeous, so talented that it's unique in t...

The best way news, especially online news, get our attention was always by using fear. Since Internet became a thing, it is even more prevalent. Even weather forecasts are made to set fear into people, just to click on it. Not to just check the weather, but to click on article and read it. Articles with titles like "This winter will be freezing cold! Are we heading towards another Ice age?", "August will be HELL! Prepare for fire hot temperatures, roads will melt!", "Prepare for electric storms that could blow away your home and kill you!", etc. Sadly, I am not even exaggerating, I literally saw such titles. If that's just the weather forecast, imagine other titles. about more serious topic, like politics or economy. Everything is a disaster, everyone will starve, the big war is coming and everyone will die, we will lose water soon, or food, or electricity, we will be killed in one way or another, new diseases, famine, climate changes (which are the re...

I have seen this, most of us saw this, people are getting exhausted, mentally, even physically, even though, we (so to say) live in civilization, in a world that should, in theory, make everything easier for us. So why there is much burnouts, so much depression, so much people feeling like all they want to do is just lie down and do nothing... We should be happy, I mean, people who do live in objectively good conditions, but the twist is, this feeling of exhaustion, bleakness and depression is much less prominent in poorer countries, even in parts of the world where, for the most of us, conditions of life seem very poor. But, people there seem to be happier somehow. I don't know about hystory but I bet, people were happier back then than most of us now in out homes with AC or heating, with decent food, bed and lots of things we enjoy, or should enjoy. I believe a lot of the problems stem from anxiety. When you have something, you tend to be scare to lose it. A lot of us lost the ab...

Recently, I noticed that even though I sometimes complain of being lonely, I actually actively decline almost every human contact that is offered to me. And I mean 99% of it, if not a whole 100%. I don't really know why, and what is happening to me but I am just so freaking tired, I can't find the strength to deal with people, any people. It's not just physical tiredness, although there is that too, there is enormous mental, emotional, psychological tiredness that I can't seem to overcome. I don't have the will to do anything. Sometimes, I even prepare myself, like, I will go out and socialize, and then just give up. I think I am broken. I do socialize though with animals, mostly cats. Because, it's so easy. They are cute and cuddly, they enjoy pets, they like to eat and they are happy when they get food and cuddles. It's so easy. There is a catch with that connection too. Since those are strays, they do sometimes, disappear or die, get sick, get hurt, and i...

As someone well over age 50 I learned that it's much easier to attract attention with hate than with love, it's much easier for people to hate or to feel rage than to even try to understand. A lot of people see everything as they are told to see, by media, or internet, or whatever, evil versus good. Nothing in between! Just bad-good, no grey areas. And everything is a shade of grey (nothing to do the famous franchise), there are very little things, events, attitudes, opinions, people, points of view etc that are quite close to 100% evil or 100% good, but none of it is completely there. Sad thing is, although feeling love, gratefulness, being kind and understanding DOES indeed makes us feel better, it is easier to feel rage, hate, anger, mistrust, and refusing to understand, even though all that, on the long run, makes us feel miserable. It's too easy to watch the news and believe one whole nation is just bad, bad people, who should be wiped out, just because, well, people o...

 Over next weeks I am going to give my best to erase most traces of me from the internet, especially social media. I may leave some account deactivated while I decide what to do with them, as I worked a lot on them, and I can't remove my novel from Amazon, and other sites that have my name on it, but as much as I can remove, I will remove. I want googling my name to return as less as possible. I am going away. I want to erase as much traces of me as I can. Maybe I will remove my novel and other novels I put online too, I am still not sure about this but I am thinking of it. No one reads them anyway. Going off the grid is not finished with social media and internet, I am going off in real life too, as much as possible. I am done with most of humanity. I had my fair share of crap received from people, insults, being hurt, being misunderstood, people who hate me but have no fucking idea who I am, rude people, people who want to use me and pretend it's good deed, people who attack ...

We live in supposedly the easiest times. People used to live much shorter, harder lives, they used to work 10, 12 or even more hours of hard work every day. They would have like 10 children and only 3 would survive to the age of 10 or more. The life was rough. Yet, today, we are likely more tired than ever. Most of us works in offices, or even from home, most jobs aren't that hard, wars are burning as they always do but hidden from a lot of us who can see only what media allows us to see. We watch other people's "perfect lives" on internet, we see too many almost perfect looking people or just perfect looking every single day, people with no apparent flaws in life or body or face, we know way too much but still not enough, we want to be liked by total strangers and we do not know what is real anymore. We can't create because we want audience to approve our work, we can't be ourselves because we want to be perfect too, want to be liked, want to live life that i...

This is my novel, so far the only one I put on the Amazon. The reason for that is that I am not that good in English and I had no money for professional translator so I did translation myself. It's not the best but I did gave my best. It's very difficult to write in language that's not your native, but I hope the point is the most important. The novel is technically sf/horror/thriller but the point is adapting to completely new, harder lifestyle which can happen to all of us. finding something beautiful in new world that we don't know and we are not used to. The world that's not forgiving, not comfortable, does not allow mistakes. That is not set perfectly for you. That can be any situation in your life. We have no idea what will happen to us tomorrow, in a year, two, ten.. Finding your place is important. Finding purpose, beauty in anything. I am not saying I am smarter than anyone, and that I found the secret of life or adapting to any situation. I am as bad as a ...

My novel " Mima and life on planet Inferno " is currently on Amazon Read about possible dystopian future on this world compared to one newly terraformed planet! Primary genre is SF, but there are elements of action, fantasy, horror, comedy and social commentary. Please, enjoy! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09PLQHQKB