Пређи на главни садржај

I am very tired

First thing to state, which is a fact, a fact most people forget until it's too late. Here we go:

Life is short.

Second fact:

You live ONCE, only once, you are young once, you are 25 (for example), or 35 or 55 once, and then you are older. Even if you believe in reincarnation, even if you are religious, the fact is, your life in this body you have now, will be just once. You have no idea if you will be born second time and in which circumstances and if there is heaven or hell and where will you end up. Or if there is only emptiness after life. Whatever it is, this body, this life you now have, will be no more.

Just remember this next time you get mad about something someone said about you, or when you are upset about something at work, or when you accidentally "embarrass" yourself like for example fart in public, or whenever you are sad or upset about the current state of the world or something you can not change. Or when you are sad and worried and miserable over something that might happen in future but also it might not. Or when you want other people to treat you certain way or think of you in way you want them to, or behave the way you think they should (spoiler alert: you can not and should not affect what other people do, think or behave).

You will waste your life. You are wasting it now. That is the fact. I do that. I worry about climate changes, I worry about destroying of nature, animal species, children sold into slavery, endless meaningless wars, factories polluting the Earth, people I care about who are just self-destructive and I can't do shit about it, you name it.

Only a month ago, I turned 49. That's almost half a century. I could live for 20 more years, or 3 years, or 6 months. No one knows. The older you are changes you will die each day are greater. Am I tired because of my age?

No, I am tired of being negative, living in future or in past, of fears, my own or other people's fears forced on to me, of being scared, of being worried, of manipulations of media and people around me, I am tired of news and articles about everything that is wrong with this world, for which I also can't do shit to fix it, of people talking about crap in their lives, about are you for or against some current crap, about who is to blame for anything, I am tired of perpetual victims, of sadness, of darkness, of anger and hate, of everything that just makes me upset and miserable because I can still feel.

Maybe it's not too late at 49 to realize, I just want to live my life, what is left of it, the way I want to. I deserve it. I want to read, draw, paint, watch movies, eat, cook, sleep until 10am on weekends, do my job the best I can and spend my money the way I want to. Is that selfish? Well, then I am selfish. I am too poor to help other people in need, I am too insignificant to change the world or affect anything that is wrong with it, I know now I can't change other people and I shouldn't, they have to WANT to change and ask for help (that almost never happens), I can help in small places in small doses, and I can't change the world.

I should learn to live in peace with those facts. No one has to help me, no one has to be whatever I want them to be, no one has to change their opinion on me or anything else. I should filtrate and take what I want from the world, I can't solve every problem and every issue, and I shouldn't suffer because I can't. I shouldn't be afraid or intimidated of what can happen in future because it still didn't happen, and it might never happen. I can't cry that much about past, because I can't get it back. That is just the way it is. We are getting old. The longer you are miserable, the more is YOUR OWN loss, no one's else's, except maybe for people that care about you. Why would you want them to suffer? Life is short, life is once, that is the fact.



Коментари

Популарни постови са овог блога

Why mean and even evil people are always more liked and have better lives

We have all seen these cases. Athletes who were winning all the time, who were on top consistenlty, that lost one time and were suddenly bombed with hate and ridiculed for "being losers". We've seen or known people who were always helping everyone, who were always there for everyone who asks, always giving, always doing things for others. After saying "no" or "I really can't right now" one time, they were reduced to nothing, ditched, banished, hated by everyone. You can't say "no" when you always said "yes", right? That's the curse of being nice or helping or being a "yes" person. You can help hundreds of times, you can give your money away, you could get people out of trouble, but once you decline, for whatever reason, you are the devil. On the other and opposite side are people who do mostly damage, mean, greedy, selfish, even evil. There is something alluring in mean people to the society in general. Look wh...

Creating hate using media and social networks

As someone well over age 50 I learned that it's much easier to attract attention with hate than with love, it's much easier for people to hate or to feel rage than to even try to understand. A lot of people see everything as they are told to see, by media, or internet, or whatever, evil versus good. Nothing in between! Just bad-good, no grey areas. And everything is a shade of grey (nothing to do the famous franchise), there are very little things, events, attitudes, opinions, people, points of view etc that are quite close to 100% evil or 100% good, but none of it is completely there. Sad thing is, although feeling love, gratefulness, being kind and understanding DOES indeed makes us feel better, it is easier to feel rage, hate, anger, mistrust, and refusing to understand, even though all that, on the long run, makes us feel miserable. It's too easy to watch the news and believe one whole nation is just bad, bad people, who should be wiped out, just because, well, people o...

Dreams and Death

Recently I watched "Obsession" in Cinema and it made me think. Being passenger in your own body and not being able to control it while feeling everything and still being inside of that mind is specific kind of horror. But, this is something I've lived through almost every day of my life. In dreams. Dreams are huge mystery and people still have no idea what they are exactly, why do we need them at all. Sleep, ok, fine, body is regenerating, brain is regenerating, but why dreams exist? And why are they so weird? Even animals dream though we will never know what. In huge majority of my dreams I am someone else, not me, probably not even on this planet or this dimension, or this timeline. Only in rare occasions I can do anything to control body I am occupying in those dreams, more often than not, I am just that: a Passenger. A parasite, a little soul in mind of different body that has their own mind, life, habits, world. I am just inside of that mind, observing, feeling every...